Tomorrow, Wednesday, September 15th 2010 I will -FINALLY- be 18 years old. It feels weird because it's my first birthday without my family and friends, so I don't feel as excited as other years, also, I really doubt myself right now and all this college thing, I been too sad lately, I miss home so badly, I miss my friends and I miss knowing what to do, college is sucking my life away and I keep getting liars around me! I used to be really smart about everything, I used to know what was the right thing to do and what is not, but since I move here past august, I changed completely. I do not know what I want anymore, and I'm settling down for less that what I deserve, I lost the way of loving myself and I am looking for "it" in the wrong places. I lost my study habits and I am quiet in classes. Something I've never been... Nowhere. I feel like I am less than my classmates but at the same time I am not, so I feel like I am fighting myself daily and I am loosing in both sides.
I don't know. I might just need some more motivation, I might should stop being so negative. I just know that for now all I want is to go back home. But I can't quit, because quitting is for looser and I am not a looser, even if I feel hopeless most of the time... I don't know. Blogging is not helping to find a solution this time. I'm stressed and I'm hungry. UGH. I want my old life back, but I don't want to be back like a looser. UGH.
Why growing up has to be SO damn hard? Hate it.
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